I didn't shave. On purpose
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
