rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
