i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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