The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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