Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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