When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
