sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
