i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Randomize
