Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
