it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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