five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
