It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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