I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
We named our party play list daddy issues
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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