yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
