Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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