I wish I could punch you in the face.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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