This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Randomize
