But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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