Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
