i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
