my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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