My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
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