shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
