i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize