i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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