I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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