you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
