I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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