Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
