Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
