You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
