I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
