I should be sponsored by Trojan
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
