Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
