Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
