'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
