Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize