is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
