so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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