remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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