...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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