i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
sick fucks of a feather flock together
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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