If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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