my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
