You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
