So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
