Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
