Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
