If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
