There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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