Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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