Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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