I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Randomize