I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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