Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize