i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
