I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
