I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
