Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize