Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
