My hand turned me down
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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