Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Randomize
